Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
