they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
