I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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