My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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