Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
