Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
