I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
