yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
