I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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