you traded sex for a burrito?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
