i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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