Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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