I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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