i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
