Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
