Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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