it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
