whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my liver is dry heaving
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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