we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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