Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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