somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
