This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
