Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Come on in and take your pants off
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