gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize