honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
