and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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