My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want her autograph on my taint
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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