Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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