dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
