I hate all girls vehemently.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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