just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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