They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
