I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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