Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
