You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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