I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
