dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize