I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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