i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize