I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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