I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
