i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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