THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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