so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize