I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
