his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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