Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
