My hand turned me down
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize