his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
