am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
