Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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