becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
