I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
