my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize