Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
