is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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