You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
