OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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