why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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