I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
