gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
