vagina is talking i cant
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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