is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
