I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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