There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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