My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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