He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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