Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
