I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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