It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
