ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
