she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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