So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
