Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
