I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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