he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
