So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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